Recent doodles

Here are some doodles to take care of the lack of posted art

Happy times...with a side of hell

Well, I got my new laptop today though it wasn't meant to show up till Wednesday next week. I'm glad I got is so soon though gives me more time to go through hell getting all my bookmarks, stories, art, and other stuff on to this new one. I'm happy that I get to try all my games at max graphics and stuff too though downloads and other stuff are going to suck to take care of, time consuming, and just plain boring and annoying... well that's all for today, Until then.

New laptop

There is a new laptop in my near future, I will be getting it in about 1-2 weeks and then i will be able to buy Paint Tool Sai and I'll finally be able to start working on some new art and commissions and stuff which i am excited about. thats all i really have to say today, fairly unimportant but felt like saying it anyways. Until then

Pics of stuff. I feel nothing.

Here is a picture of my henna tattoo when i first got it. And along with that pictures of my pocket watch. Today since i woke up, i feel absolutely nothing. No emotions at all. I still love him, and i want to talk to him, but im so used to the usual "i love you"s and other thing that i dont know what to say to him, and he acts like nothing had ever gone on between us... Its rather depressing... I dont know what to do anymore. I have so many emotions that built up i want to break down but i cant... And i dont feel anything anymore... I need to get away from my family get a job and just live on my own. Well thats all, Until then...

Everything

Everything makes me think of the relationship I was in and I'm constantly fighting back the tears. I feel empty like my heart was torn apart. I cant even listen to music anymore, all the music I listen to and like were in a way love songs with either mentionings of relationships and love, or break ups and such. I always loved that music it always made me happy, and most of my music is upbeat. Now listening to it to try and cheer up only makes it worse and the only thing I can do is think about it and feel miserable. I cant escape the thoughts and I'm stuck unable to get my mind off it no matter what I do and I miserable. I wish my emotions would just leave me so I no longer have to feel anything. I rarely trust people and there are only a few that I trust. I don't trust my family, and even now there are only 3-4 people I really trust. I trusted him. I felt I could trust him and I still do sorta, but now that trust is almost gone, I have no one to talk to because even those I trust I cant go to because my trust isn't complete with those few people. I only have one person I can trust and go to and I can't even get a hold of them. My life is miserable and hell on the inside right now. Hope the pain goes away soon :'( well thats all for today, Until then...

Great weekend, bad day

Well to start off I had the most amazing weekend. Over the weekend I attended something known as the Viking Festival. I volunteer at it ever year through my church so I get in for free which is a plus, and it is alot of fun cause I see a ton of friends there. While I was there I got a new bronze pendant for my necklace. I had and have a wolf pendant I bought a few years ago, and this year I decided to purchase a Griphon pendant to add to it. Sadly the necklace didn't fit into the loop on the griphon so I had to but another necklace but they gave it to me for a dollar which was cool. Along with that I saw alot of friends and hung out and ate a ton of amazing food as I do every year. I got a Henna tattoo on my hand that is a dragon which looks really cool. I got one 3-4 years back and finally got another which I am happy about because it looks amazing.

Today, finally my "ex" boyfriend broke up with me sort of. He and I have been in an open relationship online so he was with one other guy who he has been with about the same time as me and today he finally chose. Sadly he chose the other guy but I understand. I'm still heartbroken though I wish I didn't feel this way. I feel like crying now but I hope it passes soon. Knowing me ill probably throw my feelings away like I do with all my others. I have no feelings it seems like any time something good or bad happens I feel for a short while and pass them off as though they never existed. I am fairly upset now.... I'm going to end it here, just something new for me to learn and deal with, Until then.